If your parents are getting on in years, you may be wondering about how to split the financial responsibilities of caring for them. If one sibling is nearby and can take care of these tasks in person (taking mom to doctor’s appointments, etc.), that makes things easier. However, what if you all live far away? Should you all pay equally if one sibling is making frequent trips back home? And there are other factors to consider as well. Let’s take a look at this scenario more closely and discuss some possible solutions.
Focus on the Big Picture
As siblings, you are all in this together. You are all responsible for your parent’s care and well-being. You are all family—and as such, you should be able to support each other in making decisions that affect the whole family’s future. As adults who have been raised by the same parents, you have had many years of exposure to their values, beliefs, and attitudes toward money matters. This means that each of you is capable of supporting your parents financially as well as emotionally or physically.
The same goes for financial decisions related to your own families: You will not always agree on how much money should go where or when it should be spent; however, at the end of the day (or week), what matters most is that everyone gets along with one another so that no one has any regrets about the things turned out later on down the road—whether it’s 5 years from now or 50 years from now!
Discuss With Your Siblings
When it comes to family finances, there’s no such thing as one-size-fits-all. But there are some universal rules that can help you and your brother and sister create a plan that works for everyone.
- Set a time that is convenient for all parties involved. This isn’t just about avoiding awkwardness; it’s about making sure the conversation goes smoothly and leaves everyone feeling satisfied with the outcome. It may take more than one meeting to hammer out an agreement, so don’t be afraid to spend some time on this project!
- Prepare yourself mentally: If you have any doubts or concerns about sharing financial responsibility with your siblings, now is the time to voice them! It might be helpful to come up with questions beforehand (e.g., What if we disagree on something? How will we handle unexpected expenses?) so that when “the talk” starts happening, things will go smoothly from start to finish—which means less frustration all around…
Make a Plan
Creating a plan to share the cost of caring for your parents is the first step in figuring out the way you will financially handle it. It’s important to know what your share of the costs will be and the way you’re going to divide up responsibilities with other siblings. In order to do this, you’ll need to sit down with your siblings and talk openly about your plans as well as any issues that may arise within them.
Don’t Play the Blame Game
Avoid playing the blame game. Don’t point fingers or be defensive, angry, resentful, or selfish. And don’t see money in terms of what you’ve earned versus what your brothers and sisters have earned.
Instead of blaming each other for the problems and challenges you’re facing, try to focus on solutions that will help everyone involved.
Take the challenge
This can be a challenging and emotionally fraught conversation to have with your siblings, but it is important to think about your parents’ future care, so you can all be prepared.
Having this conversation can be a challenge and emotionally fraught, but it is important to think about your parents’ future care. You want to start the conversation by thinking about what you’re trying to accomplish. Are you looking for an agreement that everyone is comfortable with? Should one person take primary responsibility? Or do siblings just need to agree on how they’ll divide the costs?
It’s important to figure out what each child wants and needs from this agreement, so it may help to write down your expectations before starting the conversation. It might also be helpful if both parties write down their ideal scenarios and then compare them afterward–this will help identify any potential sticking points or areas of disagreement.
Break down society-based typical gender roles
Gender roles have often been one of the biggest obstacles to siblings sharing financial responsibility with their parents. It’s time for a change. You can choose to break down those barriers by leaving behind your own preconceived ideas of how men and women should behave, and refocus on what’s real—not based on stereotypes, but on what actually works in your family situation.
To break down stereotypical gender roles and remove the expectation that men should be the sole provider, siblings should talk about how they will share financial responsibility for their parent’s care.
Siblings should share financial responsibility for parents’ care in a way that breaks down stereotypical gender roles. For example, the son may be the one to take out the trash, but the daughter might be responsible for paying the bills. This can help break down the idea that men are always “the provider” and women are always “the domestic.”
Manage Parent care with your busy Work Schedule
Managing your parent’s care with a busy work schedule can be a challenge, but it doesn’t have to be impossible.
Here are some tips for making sure your parent’s needs are met:
-Divide the responsibilities as evenly as possible. If you’re the oldest sibling, you may have to take on more duties than your younger siblings, but try not to let this get in the way of their lives or careers.
-Work together as a family when it comes time to make major decisions about your parent’s care. This will help keep everyone informed and involved in the process.
-Don’t get caught up in trying to do everything yourself! It’s okay if someone else helps out occasionally—this will help lighten your load while still ensuring that your parents receive quality care.
Conclusion
No matter how much money you have or can make, your parents should never be left to fend for themselves when they need help. Caregiving is an inherent role in the family, and though some children are better equipped than others to take on the responsibilities of caregiving, young adults must learn how to share financial responsibility for their parents’ care together.
The best way to prepare for these conversations is to gather information about costs and options for your parents’ care. At the same time, you can use this opportunity to talk with your siblings about how to plan for each of your own futures, too. This can be a hard conversation, but it doesn’t have to be an impossible one! The key is having all the facts on hand so that everyone feels informed and heard.
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